Understanding Emotional Responses In Relationships

Often the easiest way to figure out where we went wrong is to ask ourselves how it feels.

Now the answer is as simple or complex as what we're trying to figure out, whether we're wondering how we weirded a girl out or why the magical spark isn't there anymore in the relationship.

And if we figured out exactly what kept relationships spark-filled and trouble-free, we'd all be married, there'd be no break-ups, and unicorns would once again roam the Earth. Not to make it sound impossible, and we're all sure trying to figure out what it is. :)

I was talking briefly in my past post about thinking of women as human beings and considering what they go through. We sure don't appreciate being lied to or strung along, so it'll save us a lot of trouble to consider how to handle their emotional response.

Why Emotional Responses Matter In Dating

We're not being pussy by consider how women feel - after all, it's more or less 100% of what drives their decision making when it comes to online dating. Think women are emotionally hysterical in normal, everyday situations - well ya ain't seen nothin' til relationships. :)

What I'm saying is to consider their emotional response to all your actions. That's different from control over emotional response to our actions, which comes from projecting our expectations onto women and obsessing over how they'll react to us.

All I'm asking is for us to consider what they might think or how they might react to something before we actually do it.

For expert guidance on emotional intelligence in relationships, see communication tips for couples who don't share a native language.

The Importance Of Judgement And Experience

So say you want to unexpectedly "whip it out" in front of her on your first date after reading about it on an internet website or hearing it in a seminar.

It might just sound like a good idea, it might seem interesting, you might even be able to pull it off.

And she might just have been giving you the right signals all night long: the flirty looks, that extra touch on the arm every time you crack her up, how little resistance you got bringing her back to your place, etc.

But then again, maybe she's been keeping more to herself physically all night, less receptive to your touch, hesitating at kino escalation, etc.

Learning From Mistakes With Emotional Honesty

Many times we can do this by bouncing our fcuk-ups off other guys we hang out with who might have a clue - not our co-workers or drinking buddies who can recycle canned-bullsh!t answers like "oh just apologize to her" or "yea there are plenty of fish in the sea". The answers need to be in emotional terms, can we explain it in emotional terms?

Maybe that's to core challenge, to answer how she felt when we fcuked it up or make it work - we can look at it both ways.

When things went well, we probably cracked her up with our wit, slowly turned up the physical touch to the point of making out and got her excited by being persistent in our escalation.

Handling Relationship Challenges Wisely

It's a natural progression but all emotionally relevant - women are turned on by single men who can stand their ground and risk embarrassment by confidently flirting, touching and making out with them.

And when things go south, it pays to consider it the same way. For example, recently a girl got mad at me for not texting back soon enough over a busy weekend. Sure, I couldn't help it since I was up til 6am at a party one night then up til 6am on another with a girl on a date - all that's irrelevant.

All that's important is how she feels about it.

Yes, no bullsh!t - all that counts is how she feels about it. Read more clearly, it's really how she perceives it. I could've been doing the same thing over the weekend and texted her back at after waking up at 2pm the next morning, and nothing would've happened - she would've texted back.

For more on how emotional intelligence shapes healthier relationships, see how to be emotionally intelligent in romantic relationships.

But the point was that I didn't. I fcuked it up, and that's why they call it fcuking up.

Know what it's like paying your taxes or get pulled over for not following the speed limit? Single women are similar in the way that all three just don't give a sh!t why you didn't get it done, they just care that it didn't done. Doesn't matter if your dog ate your homework, there was a snow blizzard leaving 6 feet of snow in front of your doorstep or your grandma just passed away.

All they care about is that moment and how it felt.

But know what the best part is? It also means that one good impression hides a thousand sins - I'll let ya'll interpret that as you wish and either use it for the powers of good or evil. It simply means that you get cover up a whole lot by judging perception wisely.

Once we're about to figure out somewhat consistently why we're messing it up, then we can set things up to prevent mistakes from happened. Take for that example above about texting - I know I had been texting back and forth with her rapid-fire on one occasion, had an intense date with her the week before and been more or less responsive to her.

So by not acting on that, choose to sit on my good intentions and not spending the 30 seconds to text back, I've now created a conversation for myself to have with her to address why I had lapsed in my level of responsiveness with her.

Sound like a pain in the ass? Well any chump can pickup a girl and date her for a while, but it takes work to keep it trouble-free while dating on the side...